I mentioned this a while ago and after one thwarted attempt, I finally went to the cinema today and watched a film by myself. This sounds like a menial event that you wouldn't normally give a second thought to, but for me, it was a challenge. I am a social creature and don't tend to go places, or do things without someone else there - not to hold my hand, but to chat to and have a laugh with.
I was confident as I walked in and I didn't crumble as I brazenly asked the man selling tickets for 'just the one seat' for my film. He didn't smirk, or evenly looked remotely shocked that I was by myself (which I should know from my place of work - a cinema - but it's always different when it's actually you) and flattered me when he asked if I had a student card. Despite today being my 24th birthday, apparently I still look like a teenager. Score!
I joined the 2 other single people in the auditorium. We all glanced around, almost nervously, at various points, as if to reassure ourselves that it's perfectly normal to go the cinema by yourself - other people do it to you know! I contemplated that this might perhaps be an ideal time to make new friends, use the excuse of the 'scary' film to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Unfortunately, there was possibly a reason why those 2 men were sitting in the dark by themselves. I instead snuck into a 'premiere' seat, which I hadn't paid for. I can be crazy when I want to be!
As the lights came up at the end of the film, I left pretty quickly. It's one thing to be sitting in the dark by yourself, but as soon as everyone can clearly see you, that's an entirely different matter. I missed not being able to discuss the film with anyone afterwards, but it was also great in so many ways. I didn't have to hang around whilst someone goes to the loo, wrestle over the middle arm rest, or fight to get a fair share of the drink and popcorn. Call me greedy, but I did enjoy not sharing for once.
I feel as though I've made a big fuss about nothing. Whenever I said to people 'ooh, I'm going to the cinema by myself', I was generally met with the response of 'and?'. Now that I've done it, I'm in agreement that I don't understand what the big deal is. Yes, you can easily feel like a bit of a loner who doesn't have any friends, but the cinema staff don't care (I can guarantee they've got more pressing issues to think about - such as where they should get their dinner from) and no one else really cares either! All in all, I've proved to myself that I can do things without someone being there. I won't go as far as going for a quiet drink by myself (that would just prove I'm an alcoholic) but if my friends aren't available, then there isn't anything to stop me from going out anyway.
If you had asked me this time last year what my life would be like now, I would have described something incredbily different to what it actually is. I'm now a strong believer that you can't predict the future (fate plays a role, but that can be interpreted in many different ways) and by our actions, we can choose the kind of life we want to lead. I've half way through Jane Austen's 'Northanger Abbey' and found the following passage which sums up my life at the moment -
'To be disgraced in the eye of the world, to wear the appearance of infamy while her heart is all purity, her actions all innocence and the misconduct of another the true source of her debasement, is one of those circumstances which peculiarly belong to the heroine's life, and her fortitude under it what particularly dignifies her character.'
I can be a heroine in a Jane Austen novel. What more in life can you need to know than that?! Call me sad, call me a dreamer, or you could call me hopeful. Life after love has opened my Pandora's box and there's no going back, not that I'd want to, let's face it!
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