Being single is like clinging onto a rock face, with no guide ropes or harness for support. You don’t want to let go and fall into inevitable doom, but you’re being battered from all directions by a harsh and unrelenting turbulence of questions. Why am I single? What’s wrong with me? Am I ever going to find anyone? What if I reach the age of 40 and I’ve still not found someone to spend my life with? Am I really going to end up a crazy cat lady?!
Occasionally you find respite in a crevice. In this new relationship you feel sheltered and safe. You are relaxed, happy and unconsciously try to forget the maelstrom you’ve just been pulled from. Sadly though, some things just don’t last and you find yourself thrust back out into the cold.
Things with the New Guy took a turn for the worse yesterday, when we both agreed that maybe now just isn’t the right time. He’s too busy with his new job and spends most of his spare time sleeping. I certainly don’t consider myself to be a high-maintenance sort of girl, but I do need some attention!
The moment when you know the relationship has to end, is always a hard one. I’m a bit of a coward and go out of my way to avoid awkward or confrontational situations. This means that I’ve never actually been the one to do the dumping. Some women may find this strange. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all up for empowered women who call the shots in their life, but I’m also quite wimpy when it comes to actually doing that. Fortunately, the New Guy and I were on the same wavelength and my procrastinating left him to say it out loud.
It hadn’t been long and we were only casual, but there’s still that strange feeling that the world has changed slightly since I went to bed the night before. It’s hard not to feel world-weary and disheartened at having to go through this all again, but I suppose that’s supposed to be the fun part, right? At least the timing was pretty spot-on, as I’m going on a short trip to Amsterdam with the girls, in a couple of days. Looks like life after love is back to being fun, free and single!
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