Sometimes I wonder if I should feel more guilty about having moved on with my life so quickly. I mean, 7 months ago, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with the same person. I would have done anything for them and wouldn't even be able to comprehend the idea of being with anyone else. Now, I'm at the opposite end of the scale where I couldn't possibly imagine being with that same person again!
When I speak to relatives or friends I haven't seen in a while, they always ask how I am in that tone that implies 'we know how crap you are feeling, but we are just being polite in asking'. They always sound slightly surprised when I say in a cheerful voice how fine I am and that life couldn't be better at the moment. I know they are happy for me, but it always seems to be a shock to them that I've picked myself up and pieced my life back together already.
I went for a coffee with the ex's mum yesterday. I used to find her a bit overbearing when we were together, but now I don't see her on a daily basis and aren't stuck in the middle of any family arguments, we get on really well. I even miss her sometimes! I mentioned about the new guy and she was really pleased for me. I don't know how I expected her to take it, but on some level I think I expected her to be shocked that I still wasn't heartbroken over her son. Well that certainly wasn't the case!
I sometimes feel that I didn't love the ex enough if I've moved on so quickly, but I know that's not true. I suppose to know that he hasn't hung around moping over me has helped quite a bit! Either way, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, I've got my own way of working out my life after love.
Friday, 24 December 2010
Sunday, 19 December 2010
I've been a bit slack recently in keeping this updated. That doesn't mean I've been resting on my laurels, but rather I've found myself in a bit of a predicament. I've been hanging out with this guy recently and unfortunately for me, he reads my blog. Need I say more?
Anyway, I've decided to bite the bullet and have agreed with him that he can read it, but he is to never let on that he's read it, or I might actually die of embarassment! So here goes, deep breath...
It's fun being around someone new and remembering all the old feelings that you lose - or take for granted - in a long term relationship. I'm also enjoying the feeling of not knowing what I'm doing or where my life is going. I had a couple of Christmas cards recently which both commented on how bad 2010 must have been for me. Looking back, apart from the obvious train wreck, I actually wouldn't say that. I've had more fun in the last 6 months than I have in the past 2 years! You could say that it was this rediscovered spontaneity that found myself and the new guy on Brighton's sea front on a freezing cold December day.
It had sounded like a good idea, but whilst standing on the shingle and being battered by an icy wind, I couldn't seem to remember why. Our day then turned into another non-alcoholic pub crawl (yes, it is possible for me not to drink!) but I had no complaints. Particularly when it started to snow, I wanted to be in the warmest place possible. The company wasn't exactly bad either!
Life after love constantly surprises me with the thought of what I wouldn't have done had my life continued as it was before. It's a scary thought, because I couldn't imagine my life any other way than it is now.
Anyway, I've decided to bite the bullet and have agreed with him that he can read it, but he is to never let on that he's read it, or I might actually die of embarassment! So here goes, deep breath...
It's fun being around someone new and remembering all the old feelings that you lose - or take for granted - in a long term relationship. I'm also enjoying the feeling of not knowing what I'm doing or where my life is going. I had a couple of Christmas cards recently which both commented on how bad 2010 must have been for me. Looking back, apart from the obvious train wreck, I actually wouldn't say that. I've had more fun in the last 6 months than I have in the past 2 years! You could say that it was this rediscovered spontaneity that found myself and the new guy on Brighton's sea front on a freezing cold December day.
It had sounded like a good idea, but whilst standing on the shingle and being battered by an icy wind, I couldn't seem to remember why. Our day then turned into another non-alcoholic pub crawl (yes, it is possible for me not to drink!) but I had no complaints. Particularly when it started to snow, I wanted to be in the warmest place possible. The company wasn't exactly bad either!
Life after love constantly surprises me with the thought of what I wouldn't have done had my life continued as it was before. It's a scary thought, because I couldn't imagine my life any other way than it is now.
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Let the Good Times Roll
There don't seem to be many areas of my life that haven't benefitted from my split with the ex. I've actually made good friends with some of my staff at work (bonding over the increasing stupidity of men worked a treat!) which I think - they may tell you different - has made me more relaxed and easy going. This goes round in turn and overally, everyone seems to work better!
As I've said before, I am surrounded by some pretty amazing people and I'm perplexed as to why I didn't see them so much before. I understand that spending quality time with your loved one is definately a priority, but if that comes at the cost of quality time with your friends, then you seriously need to rethink the situation! Ah, the beauty of hindsight. Honestly though, it's fun just to hang out, do random things and have a laugh. I like that I don't catch up with their social lives on facebook anymore, I get to be a part of it.
My bank balance isn't benefitting so much however. I've discovered that I need to spend an obscene amount of money in the hairdressers on a bi-monthly basis in order to maintain my new look. I say obscene but in reality it's probably not overly extravagent on some people's terms, but this is the person whose cut her own hair before, just to be a cheapskate. Those were not good days! I'm also enjoying the girly lunches, drinks down the pub, crazy nights out and uninhibited shopping. I don't have a wedding to pay for, so why not spend a little bit of money on the here and now?
There's one friend in particular who I definately get on with better than before. It was his newfound influence over me that found us surrounded by thousands of screaming teenage girls at Capital FM's Jingle Bell Ball. If he'd asked me six months ago - particularly after hearing the line up - I probably would have laughed in his face. I don't own a single song by any of the artists and couldn't even name you one anyway! But, in true 'yes man' fashion, I threw my sanity to the wind and spent four hours next to a girl who hadn't heard of deoderant. Despite the unfortunate location of our seats (we were right at the back as well) I had an awesome time. Turns out I did know most of the songs, I just had no idea that's who sung them. I even found myself competing with everyone else for the loudest scream whenever a boyband came on. I thought I might as well enjoy myself as I was there!
I feel bad in a way because I spend a fair amount of time saying how much better my life is now, that it makes my ex seem like a horrible, boring person. We had an amazing time together, don't get me wrong, but it's not until I look back now that I realise what a rut we were stuck in. I will never condone his behaviour at the end, but life after love is so much more and in true Hot Fuzz style, it was all for 'the greater good'.
As I've said before, I am surrounded by some pretty amazing people and I'm perplexed as to why I didn't see them so much before. I understand that spending quality time with your loved one is definately a priority, but if that comes at the cost of quality time with your friends, then you seriously need to rethink the situation! Ah, the beauty of hindsight. Honestly though, it's fun just to hang out, do random things and have a laugh. I like that I don't catch up with their social lives on facebook anymore, I get to be a part of it.
My bank balance isn't benefitting so much however. I've discovered that I need to spend an obscene amount of money in the hairdressers on a bi-monthly basis in order to maintain my new look. I say obscene but in reality it's probably not overly extravagent on some people's terms, but this is the person whose cut her own hair before, just to be a cheapskate. Those were not good days! I'm also enjoying the girly lunches, drinks down the pub, crazy nights out and uninhibited shopping. I don't have a wedding to pay for, so why not spend a little bit of money on the here and now?
There's one friend in particular who I definately get on with better than before. It was his newfound influence over me that found us surrounded by thousands of screaming teenage girls at Capital FM's Jingle Bell Ball. If he'd asked me six months ago - particularly after hearing the line up - I probably would have laughed in his face. I don't own a single song by any of the artists and couldn't even name you one anyway! But, in true 'yes man' fashion, I threw my sanity to the wind and spent four hours next to a girl who hadn't heard of deoderant. Despite the unfortunate location of our seats (we were right at the back as well) I had an awesome time. Turns out I did know most of the songs, I just had no idea that's who sung them. I even found myself competing with everyone else for the loudest scream whenever a boyband came on. I thought I might as well enjoy myself as I was there!
I feel bad in a way because I spend a fair amount of time saying how much better my life is now, that it makes my ex seem like a horrible, boring person. We had an amazing time together, don't get me wrong, but it's not until I look back now that I realise what a rut we were stuck in. I will never condone his behaviour at the end, but life after love is so much more and in true Hot Fuzz style, it was all for 'the greater good'.
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