The happiest holidays of my life were the family trips to Dorset when I was younger. I had no cares or concerns, no tensions or troubles weighing me down. If I wanted to make a sandcastle, or paddle in the sea, or eat an ice cream, I did so with no thought to my clothes, or my weight. They were blissful weeks of running free, getting up to mischief and appreciating the simple things in life.


When I look back now, I envy the freedom I had as a child. I lived day to day, with barely a thought of what tomorrow might bring. My life now is very different. I work full time, five days a week, nine hours a day and spend much time thinking about what to do on my next day off. Perhaps my incessant need to schedule and organise our time was why my fiancé decided to leave me for another woman.

We had just come back from two amazing weeks in the Caribbean. Long walks on the beach, watching the beautiful sunsets, boat trips, swimming with dolphins, a proposal. I thought I had it all when I walked through that arrivals gate at Gatwick. I had the future I’d always dreamt of, with a man that I loved to the end of the earth and back.

We planned the wedding together. I looked online and showed him what I’d found. We visited venues, picked the colours, discussed decorations, started to choose the music I would walk down the aisle to. Every decision we made together, including the date. We’d already bought the card and stamps ready to make our own invitations.

It was at our engagement party that the bombshell was dropped. In front of everyone I was told that I wasn’t loved, wasn’t cherished and was in fact getting in the way of a new relationship that the love of my life wished to pursue. The girl in question with no shame of her behaviour, was present that night and again, in front of everyone, took my fiancé home with her. I felt my whole life crumble and cave in around me as I was left to deal with a rejection so harsh, I couldn’t feel anything but self pity.

I relapsed to the days of my childhood. It hurt too much to think more than a day ahead – my birthday, Christmas. I still had my family and friends, but no one special to treasure the moments with. Our anniversary had been the day before and now I understood why I didn’t get a card, or flowers or time spent with me. It seems that when someone has cheated on you and lost their heart to another person, then you are just a casualty of war. All’s fair after all.

At no point did I receive an apology for the infidelity. Instead, I was told how sorry he was how things came out. Apparently four years and a proposal don’t guarantee you common courtesies.

But this was when my life changed. My life had been planned, structured and was ready for the organised route of - buy a house, get married, then have kids. Suddenly, within a matter of hours, I was left to fend for myself with no hint of a plan in sight.

I decided at this point, I had two paths I could go down. The first path led me to anger, upset and a long time of self loathing. I could rehash previous events again and again in the vain hope that I would find exactly what it was that I’d done wrong. (I was desperately trying to keep the vindictive thoughts at bay) Or, I could move upwards. I could rise above the whole mess and become the better person. In 10 years time when I look back at my life, I want to be proud of my actions. I want other people to look at me and think ‘wow, she handled that well’.

The path I have chosen is not an easy ride. To still speak to the cheater and know that he’s still seeing the other girl is incredibly hard. People don’t know how to react to me when I bring him up in a conversation. Four years together means we’ve done an awful lot of things and it’s very hard to go ‘I’ve done that’ without mentioning the other person’s name. Some are okay, others try to change the subject as quickly as possible and then there are those who can’t even look me in the eye. I’m not the one who did anything wrong, but I’m still left to deal with the mess.

The other person will always have to deal with the fact that despite the situation he grew up with, he still followed in his father's footsteps and broke a woman's heart, all for his own selfish means. He will always be a cheater and there will always be that small seed of doubt in any future partner that if he cheated on his fiancee, then he can certainly cheat on his girlfriend.

I however have decided to put the past behind me as much as possible. It kills me to know that the love of my life will never come crawling back and give me the opportunity to call the shots, but perhaps it's just as well, for I don't think I have much room for him in my new life. I've been given a second chance at things and I plan to make the most of it!

There is life after love and that's what I'm determined to find.