Am I too old to be here?

I've happily managed to bypass the nightmare that is Valentine's Day. I got in early with the new guy and mentioned how much I detest that awful day. I mean, I hate it when I'm single and it would only be hypocritical if I my attitude towards it changed along with my circumstances. But, on my way to work, I noticed that seemingly every florist in the county seemed to be out delivering massive bouqets of flowers. I'm not one for pretentious bunches of flowers that have been purchased under recommendation from a total stranger, but a girl's allowed to change her mind, right? I'd been chatting to our projectionist at work and in response to the apparent whistful look on my face, he went to Sainsbury's and bought me a bunch of red roses. There was completely nothing in it, but it was possibly one of the sweetest gestures someone has made in a long time. Nothing like pity flowers from the wrong person on Valentine's Day!

As a birthday present, my best friend took me to a Burlesque dance class this week. We used whips, fans and even did a little striptease before learning this routine (do you remember the song from the Diet Coke ads?) Maybe it's the drama student in me that didn't mind being a bit of an exhibitionist in that class! We took the class in a different city, so we could have a crazy night out afterwards. We went to the first pub and were find for a while, until my friend thought it would be a great idea to accept a few free drinks off some guys at the bar. They came and sat at our table, despite the fact they were both pretty much old enough to be our dads. After a while of awful conversation and swift drinking in our attempt to get out of there quicker, we made our excuse of going to the loo. The barmaid was very helpful in pointing us towards a fire exit we could make our escape through and we literally ran to find a taxi.

We then headed to what has been described as the second worst nightclub in Britain. I bloody loved it! Think I cursed things with my last post, as the friend that was getting all loved up, isn't anymore. This meant that whilst she was dancing with this guy she'd met, I was feeling like a bit of a spare part. When it's only £2 for a double vodka and lemonade, you don't really think twice about drinking too quickly. At this point, there didn't seem to be much else for me to do other than drink, or dance by myself! Most of the burlesque moves were quite suggestive and with the new guy at home, I wasn't exactly on the pull. There was one amazing moment however, when I did one of the more subtle poses and it actually worked! The guy was lovely, but I think I ended up trying to set him up with his best (female) friend who was also really lovely. The sad tinge to the night however was realising that we were one of the oldest people in that club. At 24, I wouldn't say that I'm past it or even really that old, but the average age in there was 21. Doesn't sound like much of a difference, but it's still depressing nonetheless.

For a night that I don't really remember much of, I know it was fun. It's nice to get out of your comfort zone occasionally and do things that you wouldn't normally. If life after love involves more Burlesque dancing, then I'm definately going to enjoy it!

The sad, sad irony of it.

So my best friend has just started seeing this guy. It's only been about 2 weeks and it's all pretty new still. I meet up with her tonight and she's telling me about how well things are going and how great he is etc etc, but (and you know there's going to be a BUT) she can already feel herself falling into the same pattern. 'He texted me last, so it's my turn to reply, but do I actually have anything to say, or shall I just leave it for a bit longer?'..or...'is it too soon to see him again, I want to make time for my friends too.'

I felt mature and in control of my life as I calmly replied 'stop thinking about it. Just text him back whenever.' I then explained the basis that the new guy and myself are operating on (well, at least in my head anyway). Friends come first, so give them the pick of the days you're free and then give this guy the times they can't do. Sounds a bit rubbish for him, but essentially you're keeping everyone happy and it lessens the amount of days off you spend at home doing nothing - unless by choice of course.

My friend laughed along, seemed flattered (rightly so!) that I put her over some guy and made noises to the effect that she might start following a similar philosophy. I felt exhilerated. I had proved to myself that after a long term relationship, I could be relaxed and easy going. It's all about me after all!

As I subtely checked my phone for the billionth time, I resigned myself to the fact that someone had clearly not explained the rules to the new guy. I sent the last two texts but am still yet to hear back. It seems that life after love involves being a hypocrite and sadly, that's something I certainly can't argue with.

A Quiet Life

I'd like to say that in my absence from you I've been filling my time with wild parties, crazy drunken nights and spontaineous trips and plans with mates. Some of the previous have actually occurred but it's sad to say, that there's also been a lot of down time.

In the first six months following the split, I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of activity. I wanted to keep busy, stay distracted and obliterate as many of my memories as possible. As I've faced up to reality and the pace of life has started to slow down, I've begun falling into an anticlimax. I can't keep spending as much money as I was, on doing something different every night, so finding cheap/free alternatives has become my new challenge, which can ultimately leave me just staying in altogether. Great every now and again, but tedious if it happens too often.

My life isn't all bad however. I've got an abundance of time to focus on myself and what I want. Bit weird considering I'm used to wrapping my life around someone else, but when I eventually get past my lack of direction and make a decision, it's quite refreshing. Things with the new guy are still going well. Not really sure where we are, what the rules are etc but I'm loving the idea of it being very easygoing. I don't have to check in at a certain time, or alleviate my guilt by admitting to a cheeky little flirt with the delivery guy at work. I'm very conscious of not transferring the ex's downfalls onto this guy and I think I'm doing pretty well so far. Trust apparently is now a conscious decision, but I'm sure that'll improve with time.

Time flies by at the moment and with the various holidays/parties etc that I've got booked in over the next few months, it's going to go even quicker. I feel like I'm living life as if I'm already on the next week, but at least I know what I've got to look forward to. Before, I only had the wedding, but life after love has given me a whole lot more.