The Plan

My completely irrational fear of running out of time is starting to catch up with me again. I'm only 24 but I want at least one child before I'm 30. So, lets say at least three years together before we get engaged, a year to plan the wedding and then another year before the baby comes, that only gives me a years leeway. Interesting, considering my current single situation...no pressure then!

I was explaining 'the plan' to someone at work and felt like a complete idiot as I stressed the limited time frame I now found myself fighting against. I think the embarassment of sounding totally neurotic shocked me back to reality. Well, for a while at least.

I went out for lunch a couple of days ago with three friends, all of whom are engaged. Two of them have been planning their weddings for ages (it's kind of sad to think I used to wedding dress shopping with them) but the third friend, although they've been engaged for what seems like an eternity, never before showed any inclination of setting a date and making it official. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely thrilled for them all and am really looking forward to their weddings (and the chance to dress up!) but it made me realise that I'm now becoming one of the rare, single friends of the group. I used to be part of the 'smug married couples club' before being deposited back on the shelf. I have no complaints about my current situation, but it's just funny to compare myself to Bridget Jones - someone I never thought I'd be. Not all my friends are getting married young, but quite a few of them are. Am I going to be one of the last? Am I going to be the token singleton at each of their weddings? Am I going to become the subject of ridicule as they all slowly pair off, one by one??!

This is where the head banging technique that I learned several months ago, again comes into play. This is probably not anything that any potential suitors who may be reading this will want to hear, but if I'm being honest throughout this whole process, I figured it was something I should admit to.

When everyone around is moving on with their lives and mine appears to stand stationary in comparison, it's hard to know what to think. My short term life is amazing. It's fun, spontaineous and all about me, but what about the long term?

I'm not neurotic, I'm not crazy and I certainly don't want to be classed as controlling, but I do want to find the right person. It's hard to admit that this might not happen for a long time yet, but I only have to look around me and see the people who have already found their match to know that my turn will come. Reading this back it sounds so corny, but if all else fails in life, you can only be positive!

Life after love can be scary and lonely, but it's the unpredictability of it that makes it worthwhile. Nothing ever goes to plan (you've just got to read my first post to understand that!)  but it always makes sense to have a rough idea. I'm only 24 and have my whole life ahead of me. Life after love has given me that.