I'm a total fraud.

Writing down my feelings as they've come up over the past few months has given me the chance to really work out what's going on in my head. I always try to be practical about things and as you can see from previous posts, I'm determined not to make the same mistakes again. I even ridiculed my 'old self' for the teenage drama that seems to surround texting a guy. 'I texted him last, so can't text him again', 'Ooh, I got a kiss on the end of this text' etc etc...

So imagine the disappointment I felt when I found myself making these same mistakes again. I thought I was cool, calm and collected, but apparently I'm a total fraud. The worst moment is when you realise that you are behaving completely irrationally, but you still can't help but check your phone every 30 seconds, just in case you missed a message arriving. Then there's that moment when you've got a message, but it's from someone else (my mum's the best at bad timing)! It's alright when I'm in the office at work and no one can see me being so sad, but when I'm around my friends and they pull me up on it...now that's embarassing!

I seem to have fallen at the first hurdle, but I'm not going to let that stop me. Life after love isn't about me behaving like an idiot, but I suppose you just can't help yourself sometimes.