The Ultimate Test

Jumping from a plane without a parachute, cutting my wrists before swimming with a great white shark, not getting my mum a card on mother's day....as horrendous as these may sound, they are nothing compared to the death defying, awe-inspiring, adrenaline pumping feat I have just completed. A civil evening with the ex-fiance.

Obviously our break-up came as a surprise to everyone including my ex, who had kindly pre-booked theatre tickets for us for a show that took place several months after our disengagement. I recently had two options before me:

1. Don't go. I'm not thinking about me, but the awkwardness that the two other people that are supposed to be going with us, might feel. £30 is a lot of money to waste when you would quite frankly, be somewhere else.
2. Go. We've got good seats for a show I want to see. Besides, I could make the extra effort and show him what he's missing out on!

I spent a lot of time trying to make it look like I hadn't spent a lot of time trying to look good that night. I went back to the hairdressers and asked for even more hair to be chopped off (I haven't had it this short since I was 12 - but I do love it!) and had my outfit planned a week in advance. As I sat opposite him in the pub beforehand, I wondered why I'd bothered. I spent 4 years with the guy, so I must have found him attractive in some way, but I was really struggling now to see what that attraction was. I'm not going to go into details, in fairness to the guy, but I had made alot of effort to look hot...and he, quite frankly...had not.

The evening was fine, the company was relaxed and the show was awful, but I'm incredibly glad that I went that night. I can now safely say that the final nail is in the coffin and I feel relieved of any feelings I may have pertained towards the boy who broke my heart.

After the show finished and we parted company, I could only think of a birthdy party that I had turned down an invitation for. After a 30 mile round trip to discover any single, tall, dark & handsome males I could be missing out on, I was further disappointed to discover that I was the only sober person in a house full of drunks, but at least they appreciated they effort I had gone to with my appeareance. Drunk or not, I'm not going to say no to a compliment!

So far, I've only discovered that my thoughts continually came back to the 'love of my life' that I'm trying to get over, whatever I do. After last night however, I've realsied that I don't actually hold feelings for this person anymore. Yes, he cheated on me and that is probably the most unforgiveable deed a partner can ever do, but I don't care any longer. Mr tall, dark and handsome is waiting for me around the corner and I'm determined to have lots of fun kissing the frogs until I find my prince. If life after love is going to teach me anything, it's about surprises. You can't rely on what you thought was going to happen - it's all about what you don't know is going to happen.