I'm starting to wonder if this is what it's like for drug addicts. I've gone through the withdrawal symptons (well, my version of them at any rate) - mild depression, panic attacks, emotional unstability - and come out the other side. However, I still get the occasional relapse. If I made more of an effort would he like me? He loved me once, what's to say he won't love me again? Do we really have any issues here?
At this point I hit myself around the head with a very large and heavy object. Common sense comes flooding back to me and I realise exactly why my forethoughts are never going to happen. Sometimes it takes a little more than a knock to take my head out of the clouds. This is where I like to have a brief conversation with 'He Who Must Not Be Named' as it's a sure-fire way to guarantee that I'm not going to like him afterwards. He doesn't say anything particularly rude, but the one-sided questions get a bit boring after a while as his ever increasing lack of interest in me becomes more apparent.
I don't know when that moment will finally come when I realise that my heart is no longer his. I know that I deserve better and believe me, I want it, but it all just seems an uphill struggle until that point. It's always made worse by the fact that he's not going through any of this - new girlfriend and all that - but I'm determined I will get there. Hopefully sooner rather than later!
A colleague suggested to me that perhaps I should go to the cinema by myself. I thought she was crazy, I couldn't possibly do that - how embarassing! I have been thinking about it though and it's going to be my next mission. If I can go to the cinema myself (and it won't be the one I work at - that's cheating!) then surely I can conquer anything?!
Here's to life after love, which apparently means solo trips out in public! :-)
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